Anyway, what really worries me about swine flu is that pigs don’t seem to be suffering from this at all. It isn’t the best situation to be in really, if you were a pig. You have a pandemic flu named after you, Muslims and Jewish people HATE you and you are the subject of many scathing and discriminatory comments to fat or greedy children. I wouldn’t be surprised if pigs eventually leave this planet.
Cows should disappear too, I mean, yes, they provide great and tasty meat and sometimes are called Angus but seriously, mad cow disease is just not good. The NHS cannot afford to provide psychiatric treatment to mad cows let alone mad humans. In Hinduism, cows are holy animals and I do not see god on this planet. He is somewhere else we can’t see and therefore we shouldn’t be able to see living cows we should only pray or worship their pictures.
The NHS, in its current state can’t afford anything and is far from god. It really is quickly becoming an absolute farce especially when their main source of income is now from their expensive car parks as the government cannot afford to fund our banks let alone the NHS. Quite frankly, the banks should be merged with our hospitals. Because the way these banks are going the only people needing treatment in hospital are going to be our politicians and the bankers, who have been hurt by several million angry poor people.
And, what about the tube? It is now looking like one of the most fantastically big breeding ground for the swine flu virus and terrorism. What’s worse is that modernising the damn thing has caused one company to go bust, the other to have severe delays and Wanstead station to close. So what is the solution to the faltering underground? Well many will automatically suggest that the underground should be shutdown. I believe that we could shut it down to trains and use the tunnels as a high speed car transit. Using the tunnels and stations as underground motorway systems where by cars get on and get off at their desired stop. Then again, that is a stupid idea.
The underground is a symbol of this great old city and I believe, like the NHS, we should do everything possible to maintain it. Swine flu may make the London Underground public enemy number one but it will be a much loved enemy. Bring in trains with air-conditioning, tube services twenty four hours a day and night tube services that have a fully stocked bar serving exotic drinks! Yes, you’ve got it. Under my government, the tube will run special alcohol trains every 15 minutes after 8pm. These trains will serve alcohol and cheap prices and therefore bring in another revenue stream for which we can use to maintain our fine train system. As they say; “you will always find the answer in alcohol”.
So, in conclusion, what are my main points?
Build pubs in hospitals and get alcohol back on the London Underground. Beer will save our country’s liver disease issues, mass transport system and nurses’ jobs.
(We, as a nation, should look to the Belarus International Cricket team for inspiration...beer really can change our fortunes - Image courtesy of Mr. R. Pimp)
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