Wales - Can it ever be a World beating super power?

Before I start my rant I must warn you that when I say this article is dedicated to M.S. I DO NOT mean Multiple sclerosis as I’d rather dedicated my leg to a chainsaw. M.S. is the initials of a lovely person in my life.

Now Wales is an intriguing country, I say intriguing because I don’t want to offend the Welsh by saying its rubbish and I don’t want to get people’s hopes up by saying it’s awesome. The irony is that I’ve most probably offended many Welsh people by saying the latter...

What strikes me about this nostalgic country, whose ethnic minority largely consists of sheep, is not the phenomenal scenery, its history of being the world’s biggest coal port, the Millennium Stadium, Ryan Giggs or Tom Jones but the mere fact that the Heir apparent to the Throne is actually the Prince of Wales! Why?

It’s a sad truth but the poor old Welsh do get a beating in the media don’t they? After all it was the great Historian from Cambridge, Ali G, who famously claimed; “When you think of Wales, you tend to think of the fish with the biggest penis”. The irony is that Ali G’s father was Welsh. Infact, it’s the media’s portrayal of Wales that lead me to think that the only place on this planet that people won’t oppose being bombed is Wales! The only vertebrate that will object to the Americans’ bombing of Wales will be the sheep population.

I say this with great caution for fear I may upset the sheep. I have a track record of being hated by sheep. Five years have passed since my epic bike ride through the black mountains which, incidentally, aren’t black; they’re green or brown at best and were quite a magnificent backdrop to this most epic yet death-defying journey.
It was while riding through, what appeared to be, the land of the teletubbies that this incident occurred. Up and down mound after mound till suddenly, on the horizon, I could see some rather peculiar looking mole hills. These mole hills were moving and they were white. This didn’t strike me as unusual as I had realised that I was in Wales and well absurdity can, potentially, be normal. A friend of mine the other day proved this Welsh trait by shamelessly admitting that, despite having lived over eighty percent of her life in the United Arab Emirates with her Pakistani parents and having an American accent, she was born in Wales.

Quite hilarious,you may agree, but these mole hills look set to compete in terms of hilarity. As I rode towards these mole hills I noticed that they were becoming more and more fluffy. Now fluffy, white molehills are something of a rarity. So rare that they don’t exist. It turned out that these mole hills were sheep. These sheep were fearless of our bikes and set about chasing us. One sheep head butted my bike and I fell to the ground surrounded by a few hundred sheep. I feared for my testicles, brain, face and I feared what my mother would say when I got home. Strangely, I did not fear for my life partly because death will mean I won’t have to face my mother and partly because I was being attacked by sheep, the fluffiest animals since three toddlers genetically modified their kindergarten’s toy plank to form the world’s first teddy bear! Quite frankly, I’ve met scarier trousers!

Thankfully, I managed to get up and pull my bike out of the rugby scrum the sheep had formed desperately trying to decapitate my bike. I then got away as fast as possible, often reaching speeds of sixty mile per hour.

This, quite frankly, exhibited many new facts. It explained that the teletubbies are from Wales, sheep are fierce animals, the Welsh rugby team’s scrum practice is, most probably, conducted in the Black mountains and I’d rather die than explain to my mother how I ended up on the brink of death in Hospital. Dying before mother sees me is, quite frankly, the safer and relatively painless option. The most worrying fact however is that moles live in sheep and that trousers can be quite scary.

What about the Welsh in general? And the Prince of Wales?! Well, quite frankly, the Welsh are a wonderful bunch of people (albeit colour blind - the Black mountains aren't black!) and the country is one of the most beautiful in the world. The Prince of Wales is aptly named just refer to the previous sentence for further details. It will however always take a hammering in the press and it is probably because, as a nation, it has less power than a triple A battery. Sheep can't destroy a mountain bike let alone a mountain in Wonga Wongistan and so all we can say is that Wales and its army of sheep don't stand a chance in becoming a super power. Barack Obama, Osama Bin Laden and Duracell Bunny, your jobs are safe, for now (Only because I want to look like I believe sheep will eventually rise above all of us and therefore not end up in hospital with several sheep related injuries and then suffer the wrath of my mother).

specialK
(Thanks M.S :)- You're the best)